Didn’t went sch today too.. accompany my sister go IMM to do her stuffs den acc her go sch cause she gt NRA today. Meet up fer back at IMM to see my stuffs. Nth much to say abt today… mixtureof a lot of feelings.  一切在不言中。

I been starving for the whole day le. Been to doc spend all my money on it. Ai ya I should haf go sch to day de.. it all because I have tummy ach lor. Wad de fuck sia… I spent all my money on doc tat I dun haf spare money to eat le.. dunno how to survive sch times sia.. I sort of regretting now gg sch lor. If not I can haf earn more money by working and dun haf to suffer so much now. I really hate it to the core sia.. e auntie passed me the letter from sch when she got home. She opened up my letter, she invaded my privacy without my permission.. I really hate it…. And how dare she to criticize on me askin why am I not gg sch again… does it concern her? Is it her business?

I dun nid anyone to control me de lor. Basket… I hate my life now… I find it meaningless in living on this planet.… I noe I not treasuring my life tat my parent gif me at all. But it not wad I wan de… I simply hate myself, my life, my background but I blame no one. Cause I can’t blame someone tat give me life, I can’t accuse them for givin me life… I can’t… argh… I felt like I am just minor in the family. I felt lyk I can be do without.. cause I in no use to them… I felt like I am a spare tyre.

So be it ba.. if I haf no money to eat, I will just leave it as it suppose to be.. actually as in comparing with those more unfortunate ppl in Africa… I am alrdy counted lucky le… at least I get live till now.. somemore so fattening sia.. so fat… hahas … I rather starved myself than to kan other ppl face to survive.  

Wishes to shut myself off from everyone… wishes to stay at one small corner thinkin.. I am ruined.. I am gone case… I dunn wanna face anyone…  I ashamed to see anyone.. I hate my life…

冷风吹过把我的心给吹寒了，把我的心给冷冻了，冰冻，封住了。我的心情现在好遭，好难受。就快要憋不住了。就像火山要爆发了，什么都不管了。什么都不想做了。甚至不想活了。

Today is a official end to our holiday for 2 weeks after that common test week. Sch reopen mean a disaster to me.. cause will be packed with a lot stuffs like projects and piles of never ending homeworks. But that not the scary part of all, what I afraid most is my financial status wor… currently still unable to get hold to an proper job, no income is berli horrifying.. I should’t waste my time further more sia… because of money issues, I seriously missed out a lot of fun sia.. not only tat. No money will be looked down by someone lor. It seem like I live off them no contributions to the family make me so cripped like handicapped people sia. I dunno why am I feeling so. But was exactly how am I feeling now ever since I stop werking after admitting in poly life. I missed someone yet dun dare to contact him afraid it will eventually come to an end for both of us one day… cause we progress far too fast as wad fer say.. I am so naïve that will fall in people confession of liking for me easily tat ppl will grew tired of me easily and seem to play wif me only.. but wad had done alrdy been done… how I wish I can turn the time around back, and changed how I behave to change the impression of ppl had of me…. I dunn wanna to be treated like a rubbish or trash that ppl dunn wan.. I simply hate that feelings lor.. it is so awful sia..  

这阵子我总觉得自己像是个可有可无的垃圾。哪里都一样，家里也好，朋友嘛，感情都让我好灰心喔。没有一个是可靠的可以让我放心的， 让我歇息的避风港。 我其实已经好累好累喔。我不想再这样了。

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wad i afraid is tat my voice will perm lyk tis den i sure die le lor. hopefully tat my voice will recover soon ba. =D

mag sms mi to wake up n ask to meet at 12 at NP lor. went down NP to look at the display sets of laptop n submit the camp form as well lor. i decided to go for the individual sch camp only lor which is my sch one lor. = ME de. haha FOC somemore,

meet A* for lunch at Queenstown station de coffee shop eat lunch. den go back jp to meet up xy 1st cause she wanna buy watch ;lor. she finally bought her watch in the end = puma de bronze one instd of de cost 188, she get discount thru her friend help end up paying 140 only/.

haha good rite?

meet zhi li at jp to go ms. meet mag at ms as well. xy go off to meet her colleague to go ms tgt.

after meeting mag n zhili. we go bought tic for the movie - coming soon ( horror movie ). we wnet eating at the foodcourt. actually tot of not eating de lor. cox eaten at the coffeeshop at queentown de le. but see zhi li eatin the saba fish set from korean stall tempt me wantin to eat it as well lor.

end up i go bought it n ate it lor. lols rite ?

luckily we made it in time for the movie lor. cox we were eating ma last minute lor haha. eat too fast lyk hungry ghost lor haha.

the movie so scary lor. wth. i was scared to death sia. mag n zhili bully me lor sayin tat the movie not scaring lor. haha. wad ever la hha.

after the movie, found out tat xy left for town to meet her friens to eat sth lor., so last min sia. but nvm la. i asked zhili to leave 1st cox, he got friends chio him to play lan n somemore he tml PM got sth on. so no point stayin there n wait, later no transport how.

after peiing zhili to mrt station, me n mag went to go walk walk, suay shops all almost closing le lor. den we head to HMV de music store instd. after tat we went home cox xy on her way home le. cox i asked xy not to meet us le since it always so late le somemore no plan to go wher sia. haha =p

mag go home. i head to xy hse lor for overnite lor.haha. end here for the day..bleah

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Bloggie, I so damn sleepy today lei. Don’t know why. I overshot my stop when I fall asleep in the bus journey. I realized sth was wrong when I woke up, found myself ended somewhere else. Without any much choice, I had to spend few bucks to flag a cab to work and I already been late. I reached my workplace around 8.50 am close to 9 am today.

 For unspoken reasons which I can’t come up with explaining why am I feeling so awful today? Sort of having headache yet seem still sober enuf. My mind keep on whirling around can’t seem to stop and concentrate in the things it suppose to do. Is it because of the lack of sleep I have or is there any other better reason to explain why I feeling so. I pretty much have the urge to take off today or even tml de but my colleague, zhen zhen will be coming back to work since her long month leaves. I can’t afford to take leave tml even though I wanted it so badly.

This few days have been rather tense for me, and I supposed I had been upsetting my health even worse ba. How I wish everything in this world will be simplified not being so complicated to live in.

Have to trouble over the admission of school, and wondering if I still able to live in my mum place. Or I have to end moving back to my dad place once again and live in misery. Wonder what will the judge say about my mum complaints?  If the clock can stop at this moment without have to continue ticking showing that time had passed. Wow how good can it be? Perhaps anyone reading this might think that I am depressed and being so pessimistic. But it the truths, I have been really tensed up which I almost going to feel breathless soon or later. It just likes a balloon being compressed in a small jar, and there isn’t any more space allowance left for it to upsize, soon it will burst. Boom ba.

While continue writing on expressing how I feel and think, caused me to be unrealized on the length of the post I decided to post on blog. Wa amazing right? I must have lose my mind to write that long. I wonder if I even manage to write long and expressive thing before. If my teacher got to read this, I suppose she gotta kill me for that. hahax